My name is Dov Guggenheim. I’m a 20 year old yeshiva student who loves to learn. I take an interest in nearly everything, assuming it makes me think. I’m the former captain of my high school football team.

I made Aliyah on my own at the age of 16 from the united states, out of deeply ingrained Zionist ideals and a clearly defined goal to make a difference and help my people. I hope to go on to university to study finance and government.

I also happen to have multiple sclerosis.

I was having a pretty good life. I had graduated high school with full matriculation and a major in physics. I had just started yeshiva in Ma’ale Gilboa, where I was meeting inspiring teachers and students from Israel and around the world, and testing my intellectual mettle in a supremely challenging environment. I was working out regularly in preparation for a tryout to the most elite forces in the IDF (sayarot). I knew that I had both the motivation and the medical profile to serve, as a lone soldier, in one of them.

Then, I started getting a weird feeling in my stomach-literally. The numbness and tingling spread throughout my body, until I could hardly walk. After about a week, I thought it might be a good idea to go to the emergency room and get whatever this was checked out.

Happy birthday to me. Two days before my 19th birthday, my life changed forever. I had never heard of multiple sclerosis, and now I learned all about it, firsthand. I was released from the hospital on my birthday, but into a different world than the one I had entered from. It was darker, and for the first time in my life, I suddenly didn’t quite know what I wanted, or what I would do.

As anybody with MS can tell you, the first two years after diagnosis are the least stable, if not the outright hardest. After I was diagnosed, I was in an understandably depressed state. Physically, my abilities have been limited. It is safe to say that I have scored my last touchdown on the football field, and I probably will not climb Mount Everest- at least not this year. I will also not serve my country as a member of an elite fighting force.

Emotionally, too, the MS took its toll, and not just on me, as my family and friends can attest. My dream of the army had crumbled, and I was from here on out, officially, a “cripple.” It was difficult for those around me to see someone once so physically active and brimming with potential needing help buttoning his shirts. Between repeated attacks and hospitalizations, outpatient treatments, rehab, OT, multiple medications, and the disruption to my routine, I was on a roller coaster. Obviously, all this was a bit much for a 19 year old, especially one living on his own.

Another tough part of MS is learning that nothing operates in a vacuum. What I mean by this is that MS didn’t just affect my body, but my entire world. Friendships were altered, confidence was shaken, dreams were shattered, and my life was not at all the same. Of course, I knew this conceptually from day one, but I internalized this lesson at quite an ironic time. After one year of MS (happy 20th birthday), I had a severe attack that left me unable to move for days. And lying in my hospital bed, I had a lot of time to think. And when I think, I write. I like to write and read poetry, and that is exactly what I did. Because I realized that although things were different, it didn’t mean my situation was insurmountable. I still had so much do and accomplish – and I wasn’t going to let my MS stop me. This new insight found expression in the following poem that I composed:

A young man
Full of hopes and dreams
He hops on a plane, possibilities abound
Or so it seems
The first couple of years pass,
And it’s a dream come true
Life is normal;
In shades of white and blue.
He sets goals
Achieves them with ease
He works hard,
But life is a breeze
Then one year comes
And it all comes crumbling down
He feels no more
He thinks he may drown
Some things go in an instant
Some things take time to dissipate
But all things go
We call it fate
It ends how it started
The worst one to date
Gives time for perspective
However late
Time to return to what got him till here
Time to re-adopt an old attitude
Don’t question yourself, don’t give into fear
And absolutely do not surrender to a mood
It takes a second,
It takes a year
It’s worth a lifetime
This lesson so dear
Trying to be strong
While feeling so weak
Trying to move along
Though the future seems bleak
Trying to hold it all together
While feeling so alone
Swearing it’ll get better
While not trusting his own
Here he is, one year later
Broken, hurt, alone.
Here he is, one second later
Improved, wiser, grown.
A young man
Full of hopes and dreams
He can’t know what will happen
Still,with new possibilities, his face beams

So, as you can see, I left the hospital this time with newfound determination to beat this disease. I didn’t know how, or when, or if I would succeed, but I was going to try. With the help of my friends and loved ones, and of course the MS Center at Hadassah Hospital, I was going to give it my all.

Fast forward to today, and I’d like to believe that I’m doing much better. Since that attack, I have had two more. However, even those have not stopped me from doing what I love- living. I’ve switched yeshivas to be closer to the MS Center and my doctors and have met a whole new cadre of fascinating teachers and classmates. I’ve given speeches to different groups of people about MS, run a 5k race, and mounted a sponsorship campaign which, through the generosity of friends around the world, raised NIS 20,000 for MS research. I’ve chosen to serve in the National Service Program and been accepted to multiple positions in government; I’ve rejoined a gym and resumed working out; I’ve hiked with friends, in the best Israeli tradition. In sum, I’ve been living a happy, fulfilling life. And I’m not done learning, planning, doing, and making my mark on the world. This is just where I currently stand.

This is not a blueprint for how to deal with MS. Everyone’s condition is different, and therefore, so is his or her coping mechanism (although feel free to copy me- imitation is the sincerest form of flattery). I am writing this in order to drive home the message that you should never be defeated. I truly believe that until that clock strikes zero, each of us has the ability, and the responsibility, to contribute and fulfill his or her dreams. The challenges may indeed sometimes seem too damn hard, but you are stronger for them. And, as the Beatles taught, you can get by with a little help from your friends.

השלים תיכון בארץ לומד בישיבה מזה שנתיים ושנה הבאה יעשה שירות לאומי.

דב גוגנהיים

עיר: אפרת